i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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