He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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