hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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