i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
