We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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