Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
