On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
