Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
