I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You ruined the universe
Randomize
