Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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