Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
