some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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