I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
