i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
