i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
