if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize