Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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