apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
