I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will die if light touches me.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
