I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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