I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
