I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
