i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
