Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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