I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I will be naked everywhere
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
