what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
