if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize