she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
