It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize