I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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