Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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