absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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