Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
