I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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