mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have aggressive nipples.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
