I wish my penis had an off switch
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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