I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
