Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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