I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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