I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
