I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
