Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
