I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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