I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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