Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
