I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
