I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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