Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
