I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
