Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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