sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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