I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
