but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
