I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
