I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
