Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
