i just made my gag reflex go away.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
