he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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