I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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