I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
