its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize