You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
